Avoiding Italian, Trying to Stay Awake

Well, I was going to be really productive tonight and work on my Italian homework while I was trying to stay up. Unfortunately, I don't have much enthusiasm for homework these days as it is; the later in the day, the less enthusiasm I have. More and more, I'm wishing that I was already Div III so that I could not have to do tons and tons of homework, and I could just work on one project for a whole year. It'd be great.

Still trying to settle on a name for my clown character. I'm thinking Charlotte is the way to go right now. I just want to make sure there's little chance of me wanting to name a child this name in the future; I don't want to confuse my children and my alter-ego. I think that's probably unhealthy, haha. But Charlotte has some meaning behind it; if I decide to go with it, I'll talk more about that.

I am suddenly super-tired and can't even think about anything else to talk about here. I'm out.

Bitches Don't Know 'Bout My Clowning!

Title courtesy of my lovely modmate, Ian.

Had clowning tonight with the glorious Sophie Wood. It just occurred to me that until now, I haven't really thought about why I like clowning.

It makes me feel good. I like to be silly, I like making people laugh, and I like feeling that there's someone inside me who is sweet, caring, and likable - and that she gets accentuated every time I put on the red nose or the whiteface.

It's psychological, too, perhaps. As I've said before, my character has a lot of my personality traits, amplified. I like to use her as an excuse to show the world my innermost fears, in a way - the timidity, the need to be loved, etc.

I'm also very attracted to the European aesthetic of clowning. I love whiteface, and I love doing interesting things with makeup in general.

I love the circus.

I love performance.

I love comedy.

And I'm so very passionate about clowns and clowning the majority of the time. I mean, I'm studying it, for goodness' sake. I'm going to Italy to study it, in fact. Whenever I'm not being passionate about it actively, I'm usually doing it passively through preparation to study it - taking Italian, filling out endless field study paperwork, etc.

Even my therapy sessions seem like clown work to me these days. The more I find out about myself, the more material I have for my character.

It occurs to me that my sweet little clown character needs a name. I have a couple over which I am debating right now. I need to get a second opinion.

I also need to get to bed here. I just wanted to let the world know that I feel better because I love what I'm doing, and what I'm doing is clowning.